|Need your guidance to start a new spiritual life|
I have been going through a lot of problems in my life. The current problem I have is that I do not have any mental peace in my mind.
From the starting of my life I have never been success in anyway. From the day I can remember in my life I feel I have never got any love from anybody. To start with I was not good in study. From the child hood I had always craved for God. For that reason may be I used to attend the spiritual discourses. I was inspired by the Brahmakumaris (OM Shanti) spiritual university. I was an serious follower of organization for 10 years. During this time I was in love with a girl of the organization, which was not appreciated at all in the organization as the basic teaching of this organization is to follow strict celibacy. We chose to marry and left the organization. I also want to tell you that when I left the organization with the girl in dramatic way, the member of the organization cursed me saying that I would never be happy in my life. I thought the love that I was searching for all my life I will get from my wife.
Before marriage I was doing pretty well in my business. After marriage suddenly things became worse. My business did not do well for whatever reason. I started facing lot of financial problem. At that time my only aim is to secure my financial condition. For that matter I did many things like taking loan and making property so that I can get some constant income from them. At that time I used to feel that money is everything. For this reason, I am in heavy burden of loan.
The above was my financial condition. My personal relationship was even worst. My wife who used to love me initially to an extent stopped loving as the financial condition became worst. She did not have any love for me. After some initial days of marriage she never like to sleep with me in one bed. Even though I wanted to be in healthy husband-wife relationship. There was no fighting, argument or anger with me. But she did not have any interest towards me. May be she started feeling that I am incapable husband in every respect – I am not sure.
Now the situation has come so worse that I want some change in my life. I feel practicing Brahmacharya is better than this current relationship. We both came to a term where we have decided to stay separated under same roof. This is because we have a daughter of 10 years and my wife does not have anyway by which she can earn her livelihood. And also, divorce is not appreciated in the current Indian society that I live. That’s why I do not want divorce. I will feel that my life will be successful if I spend my rest of life for God.
I came to know about you from Gopu. He talked about love and forgiveness which I liked a lot. After that I forgave everybody in my life, even I bowed down to them just like that. I want to follow the teaching of love all my life.
I need your blessing and guidance to start a new spiritual life. Please guide me.
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