Maha Samadhi - how a wrong sense of responsibility and the fear resulting out of it bar you from doing Maha Samadhi
Everyone who practices Kriya sincerely goes for Maha Samadhi. This final reunion with God is the goal one wants to achieve with the practice of Kriya Yoga in its whole. But like me most people don't realize that to go for Maha Samadhi also means to go for physical death. It is easy to have an intellectual concept of it and it's very easy to say that one doesn't have a problem with death but as soon as breath and heartbeat start to slow down during Kriya Pranayama the whole story suddenly becomes frightening reality.
In this moment there is nothing to understand or to think about anymore. It is only a matter of action or better to say non-action. A question of letting go everything. When I started to realize that being sent home in a coffin is not as impossible as it might have seemed some hours ago I was faced with a huge sense of responsibilty especially towards my parents and close friends which resulted in fear to do Maha Samadhi. It's not that I would claim to be close to Maha Samdhi but the mere fact that I felt my heartbeat and breath slow down rapidly during my practice showed me how close death is no matter what age and that it's not very unlikely to happen when you're serious in approach and effort on your way to God.
So I started to work on the feeling that I couldn't just die and go home now because there are people left who might feel very threatened by my sudden death and who might not understand that it's just about going home to God. I cannot say that it is totall y dissolved by now but the more Kriyas I do and the more I focus on 'GOD is love' everything becomes softer and eventually diminishes into an ocean of love. I hope this experience again could help some of you who face similar situations,