|A girl is made to be loved and never made to hold a man together or away from drugs!|
A girl is made to be loved and never made to hold a man together or away from drugs!
A man needs to be a lover and never a burden, a man needs thus to be strong in life, strong in job and strong in his heart. In your case it is clear that none of above applies. You say "shes the only thing holding me together and away from a life of drugs" ... which means that you are too weak to be free of drugs - too weak to be strong in your own life all on your own - i.e. without her. Hence you never can be a true source of love and true happiness for her ...
As a result you are jealous about her earlier lovers ...
Her earlier lovers made her the way she is now - strong enough to carry a burden for a while. However it never is her duty nor karma to carry you years or an entire life time. Rather to be a first aid / emergency helper for you until you wake up from self pity and decide to be a strong man - earning his living, being useful for society, for friends and growing strong enough to be a lover without the help of a girl.
You write " ... the thought the 26 men shes slept with, then mental images - their dirty hands all over her, ..."
All the pain you have now is the result of pure jealousy - jealousy always is the result of weak love. Of course weak love because a man who NEEDS a girl to keep him away from drugs, etc is weak ... Hence for now she is your rescuer and you are her burden. Her mother-/helper - instinct is what keeps her caring for you and she beliefs this to be love.
It's time for an instant and total change - since you lack the courage and integrity to sign up with your true name - I recommend your girl friend to either look for another lover - or you to instantly grow up and take control of your own life to become a true adult man and source of strength and love for all around you.
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