Why I have decided to follow the path of love home to God,
Why I asked Hans to be my Guru,
Why I will start to think with my heart from now on, rather than with my intellect,
I have asked Hans, if he will accept me as a disciple. I did not put this question until now. I know Hans since last summer, when I first met him on the Philippines. But a feeling of inactivity, a feeling of laziness prevented me to put this important question until today. I was too proud. I did not let love flow. And I accepted it as a matter of course for myself, to take his advice, but without putting it into reality, without living it.
Within the last months I have recognized that I will find the way out of my spiritual darkness only with the guidance of Hans, my Guru. NOW, in this very moment, I decide to burn my stinginess and pride in the fire of love, I will dissolve the feeling of I-don’t-need-any-help-because-I-will-manage-my-life-on-my-own, and I will drop my attitude of I-can-do-this-tomorrow because it prevents me from loving:
It prevents me from loving my wife, Birgit, from hugging her, kissing her, having sex with her, spending day and night on her side to feel her love, to breath her air, to touch her skin.
It prevents me from loving our children, Lisa and Jakob, from playing with them at any time they need it instead of acting according to my ego and saying: "NO, not now, I have to work on my computer!” It pushes me to be angry with Lisa after she has hurt her little brother, Jakob, instead of loving her much more and teach her how to treat lovingly, because I am to lazy to ask myself, why does she do such harm to her brother – maybe we, the parents, are the reason for her blockade.
NOW, at the age of 26, I tell YOU, every living soul on this planet, that I will follow the path of love. So far in my live, I have unconsciously decided to stay weak by acting according to the satisfaction of my ego. NOW I decide consciously to BE strong in all aspects of live.
Dear Birgit, until today I cannot exactly figure out, what the reason was for my wish to be together with you, only you – in the year of 2000 when I was running after you like a little boy for one year. In the early time of our relationship in 2001 there was only one night, when I felt the flow of love between us as I did not felt it before and for a long period of time afterward. This was the night, when you got pregnant with Lisa. I was really certain, that you were pregnant because I felt it.
Most of the other time, we let our ego play with us.
Last year before traveling to Hans, you pushed me to decide: a clear YES to our relationship, or divorce! I said yes, but I was not sure, if this yes came from the bottom of my heart. So I repeat it now from the bottom of my spiritual being, my soul: I SAY YES TO YOU. I am the man who will guide you through the storm of eternal life back into the ocean of love as I am a child of God.