My role in my partner's divorce?

Posted by:
Ingrid registered
at 05/11/2006, 21:23:30



Dear all,
I am struggling to define my role in my partner's process of getting divorced - I much appreciate any inspiration :-)!

I got divorced some years ago in a rather peaceful way. I am now in a relationship with a man who is still in the process of getting divorced, he separated over 2 years ago. However, their process is not going as peacefully as mine went. Due to the fact that a financial agreement can't be found the beginning of a court case may be around the corner.

A part of me wants to help directly and just doesn't know how, except for holding a loving space for my partner and sending love to his ex who must be very disconnected and hurt to show so much hatred. Another part of me says "This is entirely THEIR business and their experience and lesson, and you should stay out of it." And I can't really send an overall healing experience, anyway. And a third part adds that I am not to judge any of this, anyway - BOTH evidently didn't have the resources available to deal with their upcoming rel.ship issues when they were living together.
I would love to have them clear the past and acknowledge what they got out of their relationship and forgive the rest so they can both be set free and move on in peace - and I would then have a partner who is really free, too. However, this seems to be impossible. A while ago the ex wife said to my partner, in their daughter's presence, she'd wish he was dead.

I feel very helpless. I don't know what my best role in this looks like. Concerning the financial battle, I can see that after a couple of "good" offerings with some advantages for the ex wife (in his and his lawyer's eyes of course), my partner is not prepared to agree to proposals that are very unfair in his eyes. He is also in a situation where he has given up his own place to live already in order to keep expenses in alignment with the remaining income for himself. So saying "It's just money", sign what he believes is very unfair without defending his rights and trust that all his needs are always provided for and solutions will emerge from other sources may be quite a challenge.
I have never met or seen his ex wife but sense that she needs and wants the court case and have an audience for all the ugly stories and comments her aggressive ego wants her to be heard with so badly, plus in the past the pattern has been to fight to the ultimate with all means if a dime can be claimed with it. However, what do I really know?

I don't know how to be with this.

All love & peace,
Ingrid

Replies To This Message:

God Love The consequences of a divorce usually last a full lifetime ...link hans 1 Fri, May 12, 2006, 03:11:59
God Love Role in partner's divorce Ingrid 0 Sat, May 13, 2006, 16:43

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